SHOW 52: A Carrier For Handsomeness / 49min / July 7, 2010

Kris and David unearth the history of modern card games, analyze David’s obsession with frugality, and discover the truth behind the male-pattern butt-chin.

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@robynneblume One of my favorite card game experiences was when everyone in my Latin class was playing Class Struggle together, using three decks. #tmh

@Nateman @robynneblume is that the one where the losers riot and the winners get to spend the next 10 years paying no tax? #tmh

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@medscholaradaml The problem with house rules is that they changed from house to house. In mansions you got a pheasant, in a shack you just get shot #tmh

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@MrBildango The great pyramid is just a house of cards. Thick, massive block sized cards. #tmh

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@cephalopod_gal I live off of leftovers. I don’t ever even make the original meal. Leftovers just appear in little tupperware containers in my fridge. #tmh

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@cSpain_Design Make your own sleeping pills: place regular pills under your pillow at night, they will absorb the sleepiness, storing it for later! #tmh

@robynneblume @cSpain_Design Sounds like we could market this to homeopathy people. We just sell them “blank” pills, rake in the profits. #tmh

@cSpain_Design @robynneblume I think we could probably even get away with just writing the word ‘pill’ on some breathmints #tmh

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@g33ksq33k #tmh A little known fact about Kris Straub is he doesn’t have a chin. Beneath his beard, there is another Kris Straub, ad infinitum.

@cSpain_Design @g33ksq33k Medically his condition is known as ‘Chinfinity’ #tmh #sciencefacts

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@phogan A butt chin is just a vertical double chin #tmh

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@Nateman I think the moral of today’s podcast is don’t bring a gun to a knifeduck fight. #tmh

SHOW 51: Helpful Damage / 57min / June 30, 2010

Kris and David hijack celebrity Twitter feeds, ponder the saga of Weird Old Doctor vs. Young Kurt Straub, dig into listeners’ irrational fears, and reunite the United States.

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@theggerus Ok, let’s be honest. Who else just tried browsing to fettuciniface.com. #tmh

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@Paulius1981 Fake tweets from Obama, twitter ‘army’…we’re on our way to multiple FBI watch lists. #tmh

@Sekelsky @tweethard For example, if you threaten the president and use the tag #tmh, David and Kris will be the ones arrested!

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@Useless0ne .@tweethard the only FDA recognized cooty vaccination is Circle Circle Dot Dot. #tmh

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@Paulius1981 When young Kris got sick, the doctor would hit him with a rolled up newspaper and shout “No!” #tmh

@Albedo12 Illness Aversion Therapy - keeps you from getting ill by making you sick at the thought of it #tmh

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@phogan Why do we even need alleys. They’re basically streets that haven’t tried hard enough #tmh

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@Albedo12 Every day for 5 years I was afraid my girlfriend would leave me because I was insecure. And I was right! #tmh

SHOW 49: Paper Towel Time Machine / 1hr 4min / June 16, 2010

Kris and David solve more listener problems, dig into a world of erroneous assumptions made, revitalize the sack-lunch industry and learn something about beeswax.

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@frostyplum was the paper towel machine made by the same company as the hot tub time machine? #tmh

@bradshats all empty towel dispensers are caused by future time-travel dispensers stealing the towels #tmh

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@jplaub “Speaking of time traveling and being in the bathroom…” best beginning to a story EVER #tmh

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@andrewbickett When I was a young boy, I erroneously assumed that if the dog goes outside to use the bathroom, I should too. #tmh

SHOW 48: Entrepremurderers / 59min / June 10, 2010

Kris and David unpack everything there is to know about the Hamburglar, start a murder franchise, learn about crowbars, explain at furious length how the TMH book will benefit your life, and David attempts revenge on Kris for inflicting Mom Me Harder on the show.

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@Albedo12 He breaks into people’s hams and steals the bone #tmh

@IAmAboutUs Maybe his car uses a hamburger fuel cell #tmh

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@Inanimatecarbon Everybody forgets the brave service of Officer Big Mac. Let’s support our hamburgers in blue. #TMH

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@Minivet #tmh L’hammerdeur is the 17th century hamburger-filching vagabond hero.

@kcbanner The Hamburgler has to defend the Hamburg Hammerdereur Hideout with hardened ham crowbars #tmh

@NickyTheRat If this conversation continues long enough, eventually all language will become meaningless. #tmh

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@jddennis Trying to imagine Ronald McDonald as Batman. Not exactly working. #tmh

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@CSpain_design A group of crows is called a murder; when there’s only two of them it’s called an attempted manslaughter #tmh

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@cephalopod_gal I’m pretty sure all pictures of Lil Kris have him with a goatee. #tmh

@frostyplum @cephalopod_gal like this? http://twitpic.com/13vlt9 #tmh

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@TrevorBekolay @tweethard I’m not sure if you guys know this, but Kurt does a slightly better podcast called Tweet Me Hardest. #tmh

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@Nateman What about all the awkward pauses. Did they make it into the book? #tmh #theresalotofthem

@cephalopod_gal @Nateman Yeah. There are TONS of ellipses. #tmh

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@richmagahiz Kris Straub = Norman Bates #tmh

SHOW 47: Hot Dog Harmonica / 41min / May 30, 2010

Kris and David’s mom explore a world of magical thinking, driving woes, and discover the true meaning of being stung by insects whose only goal is to steal your summer meats. Plus, how do you take your hot dog? The wrong way, probably.

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@SpectreSigma How does one become a teen werewolf?

@cephalopod_gal @robynneblume Sadly, I was not present at today’s #tmh. I was working. I’m sure y’all missed me very much.

(this honestly was the worst show for #teammalkismom to miss)

SHOW 46: Torquequake / 1 hr 7min / May 13, 2010

Kris and David make inroads in battery safety, identify the most rueful metals, join the Zeppelin Advisory Board, fill balloons with the elements, and may in fact be dreaming. Also, David starts to resent Mom Me Harder.

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@Albedo12 #tmh Who are the movers and shakers in the world of seismology?

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@CSpain_design I keep my batteries in things I don’t need batteries in. That way I don’t feel bad about taking them out to put them in other things. #tmh

@robynneblume @cSpain_Design I’m picturing a bunch of cardboard boxes, each with lots of battery compartments. #tmh

@cSpain_Design @robynneblume I think we now have a solution to power my cardboard Iron Man suit! #tmh #itsjustabox

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@cephalopod_gal @frostyplum I’d hate to get hit by hot dogs that are falling from the sky! All slippery and hot dog-smelly. #tmh

@frostyplum @cephalopod_gal turn your umbrella inside-out. you’ll eat for a week. #tmh

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@Albedo12 #tmh My other zeppelin is a convertible (into a ball of fiery death) #zeppelinbumperstickers

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@cephalopod_gal End of #tmh right here: “I mean, if I wasn’t dreaming, could I do THIS??” #lastwordsofkris

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@CSpain_design Malki don’t you see? The Malkingdom was inside you all along. You may want to see a doctor #tmh

TWEET ME SHORTER: Ballroom Overlord / 14min

David’s mom remembers a heady young David, while Kris seeks a higher education; also, the shocking secret behind Master Chief.

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@ProphetEKA Get a Bachelors Degree in “Llllllladies”. = ) #tmh

@Albedo12 A degree in MeetHereology? #tmh

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@Kinotu You have improved the Halo games 3000% in one fell swoop. #tmh

SHOW 44: The Exotic World of Meats / 56min / April 21, 2010

Kris and David eat mice and other rodents whole, consider pet ownership, wonder about tapeworms, and prevent cataclysm by conjuring lost dinosaur energies while David’s mom thinks her son dislikes her cooking.

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MrBildango The one thing that was missing from Tweet Me Harder was the mom context. Now it’s a perfect show. #tmh

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bookofbiff It was a mistake to be eating while listening to this #tmh

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cephalopod_gal It’s finally happened. Kris has just shattered my heart to pieces with his words on #tmh.

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cephalopod_gal http://twitpic.com/1hf9kw - Made this while listening to #tmh

SHOW 42: The God of Atheism / 46min / April 1, 2010

Kris and David solve listeners’ troubling medical mysteries, revitalize the American penny, figure out why Kris’ calcified wrists are secretly killing him, and discover an instant “in” with Jehovah. A classic Tweet Me Harder!

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CSpain_design I wonder if a laser-guided finger attachment would be a profitable idea. Y’know, for more accurate pointing/poking and the like #tmh

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Kouban @TrevorBekolay You can’t get a virus from a computer unless it cuts you or you have sex with it. #sadlymyvolunteerworkinvolvesboth #tmh

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ertchin @tweethard I feel like the District of Columbia is the real loser in this penny deal. #tmh

ertchin @tweethard And forgers would constantly be passing off Colorado pennies as Wyoming pennies. #tmh

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robynneblume If you only pray when you need something, God’s gonna be all “Man I never get to just hang out and talk with you, y’know?” #tmh

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MrBildango Dawkins keeps his heart in a mason jar inside of the tomb of Charles Darwin. #tmh

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Kouban Guys, your answer to EVERYTHING is “chop off the feet” #tmh

SHOW 41: No Spiders Allowed / 56min / March 23, 2010

Kris and David explore a world of disposable reading material, ships of insects, and how to stay on top of your to-do list with memory-enhancing techniques. David also reveals a dark physical secret no one has ever heard (of) before.

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Kouban “Let’s Got Mail!” is the Japanese ad campaign based on You’ve Got Mail #tmh

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robynneblume We thought our cat might get kill a rat we found in our house, but instead she was scared and ran away from it. #tmh

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TonyFraguero Magazines come frequent enough that I worry about dying in a landslide of weird nostalgia if I keep them #tmh

gnarloh @tonyfraguero i do live in a landslide of weird nostalgia :( #hoarderintraining #tmh

TonyFraguero @gnarloh Title for autobiography: found #tmh

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gskull @tweethard Why don’t people build submarines in bottles? You wouldn’t have to empty the thing first. #askmeharder #tmh

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Kouban Spider-webs make the best sails #tmh

cephalopod_gal “Time for an ARACHNAUTICAL ADVENTURE” #tmh #spiderboats #sorryMrBildango

gskull Would a one-eyed spider pirate be wearing seven eyepatches? #tmh

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BlackFelos I thought the parrot hung upside down when there was a gas leak on the ship. #tmh

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thegreenavenger @tweethard AHAHAHAHA You were SO LOUD that you woke up my roommate through her door and she came and closed my door. #tmh

SHOW 39: Corpse Glass / 1hr 2min / March 4, 2010

Kris and David go on an undersea adventure, search for the cure to a shattering illness, throw themselves headlong into stones, and David’s mom appreciates literature.

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tweethard (twitter search has expired)

White667 @Tweethard Maybe you should start storing the tweets someplace else, for like future listeners and that.