SHOW 64: Flamingos Come Free / 58min / October 6 , 2010

David and guest host Chris Hastings unpack the parochial history of roller-coasters, the pressure not placed on pets to be ethical, prospects for the Smithsonian Sneezing-Animal Emporium, and come to a conclusion regarding the safety of European hospitals.

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Storyline: “Kris is Gone” Part 4

@robynneblume The oldest roller coasters are probably the safest, because there’s been more time to discover and fix safety concerns. #tmh

@richmagahiz wooden rollercoasters are a termite’s smorgasbord #tmh

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@Hamiltwan #TMH the “coaster” doesn’t refer to the things under cups, it refers to the fact that all of them used to be along the coast, for safety

@Kouban @Hamiltwan The Roller-Coast Guard was understandably short-lived. #tmh

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@oneswellfoop #TMH And Roller Coasters were a big improvement over the previous amusement park ride: the Bouncer Skidder.

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@Boblearned I saw this dog driving a car yesterday… I thought he could save me, take me to the hospital… but saw it was an Australian car. #TMH

@Kouban @Boblearned Australian cars are designed specifically so dogs can’t drive them :( #tmh

SHOW 63: Delicious People / 53min / September 30, 2010

Guest host Colleen AF Venable joins David to describe the afterlife of mac ‘n’ cheese, how to deal with sweet or savory individuals in a post-racial society, and what to feed an electric water snake.  Meanwhile, Kris lives it up in fancy-pants Europe.

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Storyline: “Kris is Gone” Part 3

@JessePB @tweethard I can hear the goatee through the feed. Must be what’s attracting the ghosts. #tmh

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@Kouban The really expensive helmets have automatic mac & cheese dispensers which work like airbags to keep you safe. #tmh

@BigShoesPlease a new trend sweeping the southern American highways: Hot Mac & Cheese stands replacing all the fresh fruit stands. #TMH

@Bradleybugman @BigShoesPlease The best part are the souvenir bowls. #tmh

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@robynneblume Wait, so if you eat Mac ‘n Cheese it comes back as more Mac ‘n cheese that you can eat? #tmh

@Bradleybugman It’s Mac n Cheese all the way down. #tmh

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@sevpiehl #tmh Do we need to get some anti-delicious-discrimination legislature passed?

@ginbucketfish we need to stop discrimination against delicious, bi-tastual, and trans-flavored individuals #tmh

@richmagahiz We could appoint a zombie as Human Deliciousness Czar #tmh

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@richmagahiz I’m afraid we have to face the truth: Kris has been kidnapped by a ghost on a thresher #tmh

SHOW 62: Future-Pangaea / 47min / September 22, 2010

David and guest-host Dave Kellett explain the weather inside a blimp hangar, the hidden hazards of working with Post-It™ glue, the joy of being a hobbyist actuary, how the Slavs do the Amber Alert, and where the heck Kris got off to.  

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Storyline: “Kris is Gone” Part 2

@quippley #tmh ahhh going back to the 90s!

@Harashi #TMH my pastel wind breaker is starting to chafe and making it hard to rollerblade.

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@richmagahiz Best thing about working for the Post-Its group at 3M is whenever you get an idea, you can jot it down anywhere around you #tmh

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@phogan Meh, everyone plays chess with human lives these days. I want to play chess with hippos #tmh

@Kouban @phogan I own a set of Hippo Chess carved from actual hippo teeth. #tmh

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@robynneblume Corn can do almost anything. Actually, I say “almost,” but I can’t think of anything corn CAN’T do off the top of my head. #tmh

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@Harashi #TMH if Kris was really worried he would have used his safe word.

@Mythrander Wait. I thought Kris was short for Kristine! I had a major thing for her sultry low alto too. Talk about false advertising. Sheesh. #tmh

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@richmagahiz As long as the continents are stuck together with weak adhesive, we can adjust future Pangaea the way we like #tmh

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@Kouban I thought @malki was going to say he was growing by inches into a centipede #tmh

SHOW 61: Kevin Me Harder / 58min / September 21, 2010

When Kris is late showing up for the show, Kevin McShane steps in to help David out. The upbeat pair wackily discuss doorknobs, gas ovens, and the Internet!

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Storyline: “Kris is Gone” Part 1

@robinbalmer @tweethard #tmh I’ve been cataloging windows in Portland - as I understand it, it takes 98 windows to run a computer.

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@Kouban The reason doorknobs still exist is because the ruffian lobby demands an easy source for heavy objects to stuff into sacks. #tmh

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@Jvetters #TMH What about the first Matrix movie? Any kid who watches that in ten years is going to wonder why they’re using phone lines.

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@Phrawger #tmh Clearly Kris has been abducted by the Japanese Mafia, which Kevin is an agent for

@Phrawger It’s a bunch of Italian guys dressed up like samurai. The pseudo-japanese Mafia. More mafia than Japanese. #tmh

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@Jvetters @tweethard Ghost Kris as a co-host next week? I think that could add a real sort of zing to the show! #TMH

@Kouban @Jvetters I wonder if they’d need a condenser mic to solidify him. #tmh

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@Kirbysfan #TMH OH MY GOD IT’S THE KRIS BOT DREAMS DO COME TRUE

SHOW 60: Knife-Wielding Duck / 53min / September 15, 2010

Kris and David flee hazardous weather, consider sustainable ways to melt frozen blood, become modern equivalents to swordsmen, use drill-bits as their sigil, and John Allison’s TMH fanfic reaches its nail-biting conclusion. 

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Storyline: “TMH Fanfic” Part 5

@jplaub The salty hail is made from the tears of people who live in Seattle #tmh

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@richmagahiz What you need is a quadruple-edged sword similar to those spiffy razors #tmh

@medscholaradaml A drill gun - a gun that shoots drills #tmh

@phogan Solution: shurikens in the shape of ducks #tmh

@richmagahiz This line of thought leads inevitably to the throwing flamethrower #tmh

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@cSpain_Design This #tmh fanfic is actually an allegory—for the exact events that it describes #HundredPercentAccurate

@cSpain_Design I have to cancel my plans for tonight, in order to weep openly #tmh

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@Craig_Wilson Plot twist: Kris was David the whole time. #tmh

@Paulius1981 Anyone else seeing a Memuloid with Malki’s beard duct-taped to it? #TMH

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@cSpain_Design Oh yeah… no danger of having normal dreams tonight after this#tmh

SHOW 59: Largest Sheep Heap / 51min / September 2, 2010

Kris and David consider commissioning a TMH mascot, marvel at the Dry-Erase Guild Society’s inventive goings-on, hear listener tales of Forgettable Adventures, and John Allison’s TMH fanfic reaches a fever pitch.

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Storyline: “TMH Fanfic” Part 4

@Drahant So my cat slapped my copy of Hey World from my hand and keeps eyeing my computer with disdain. She may have to go. #tmh #kittyranch

@fauxfrog @Drahant #tmh She understands what’s going on in there.

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@Kinjira #tmh Somehow my first instinct for a mascot was just an enormous eye

@robynneblume @Kinjira If that was the mascot, I might well never listen to the show again. #creepy #childhoodfears #tmh

@cephalopod_gal What if the mascot is a ghost? But it’s all adorable. #tmh

@Kinjira @cephalopod_gal #tmh Let’s meet in the middle and say it’s a ghost eyeball

@fauxfrog @Kinjira And it has a goatee. #tmh

@Kinjira @fauxfrog #tmh Somehow giving it hair was going too far for me

@fauxfrog @Kinjira Maybe it has another face on the back of its head, and that will be the other goatee. So that solves that problem! #tmh

@fauxfrog #tmh If I may submit a rough draft re: the mascot. he double-sided goatee’d ghost eye! http://twitpic.com/2kogyt

@Kinjira @fauxfrog #tmh And I’m fine with that! Until, at least, I wake up tonight to it standing over my bed, just staring.

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@SamGraebner @tweethard All home walls should be dry-erase boards #tmh

@Kinjira #tmh @SamGraebner Draw your own windows! Who needs the world when you can make your own

— MORE FORGETTABLE ADVENTURES —

@robynneblume The idea was that my sister and I would just cross the border so we could say we’d been to Mexico. Then we got lost. #tmh

@DustinCorreale @tweethard #tmh skydiving was sort of anti-climactic. The overwhelming sensation was … windy

@cephalopod_gal Senior year of high school, we went to a theatre competition in NYC. There were like five troupes there and everyone got a trophy. :\ #tmh

@cephalopod_gal Also, one group tried to do The Tempest in 20 minutes. It was confusing. #tmh

@thisisfalacci me and friends hiked to this body of water that’s usually awesome, turned out this year it’s barely a puddle #tmh

@thisisfalacci oh, and there was a dead rattlesnake on the way there. how exciting. #tmh

@MrBildango I went to Maine when I was really young and was bored like crazy. Parents liked it though. Went back as an adult… Still boring. #tmh

@TheAngryBeard Had a road trip to Montreal, was supposed to be a big adventure. All we wound up doing was eating roast beef sandwiches all weekend. #tmh

@chaddice @tweethard try a 6 hour coach ride with a 2 fatties who throw up in the toilet, break it, and then fart for the rest of the journey #tmh

@SamGraebner @tweethard I went to the grocery store once and bought milk. It expired the next day #forgettableadventures #tmh

@malpertuis @tweethard I spent a night on Alcatraz. It was really cold. And lots of fluorescent lights Not spooky at all #tmh

@anthroman #TMH Manned the info desk phones @ a con the day before it started. It rang twice in 8hrs. Both times the tech asking: is the phone working?

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@richmagahiz Will a Tic Tac last in your mouth for 3 months? What devilry is this? #tmh

@Daniora @richmagahiz It is a FUTURE Tic Tac #tmh

@Paulius1981 @richmagahiz When in doubt, a wizard did it. #TMH

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@cSpain_Design Oh yeah… no danger of having normal dreams tonight after this #tmh

SHOW 58: The Knowledge Hummingbird / 58min / August 26, 2010

Kris and David spar off on big-city values, consider a world in which glass was never invented, get Facebook to predict their moods, and John Allison’s TMH fan-fiction epic takes a dark turn.

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Storyline: “TMH Fanfic” Part 3

@cephalopod_gal My neighbors probably think I’m crazy from that burst of laughter that I just had. #tmh

@Kouban @cephalopod_gal “That pantsless girl is laughing hysterically again.” “I’m calling the pants police.” #tmh

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@Phrawger “I’m curious about glass” every boy goes through some different changes I suppose #tmh

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@fauxfrog #tmh The history of creating glass can be traced back to 3500 BCE in Mesopotamia.

@Albedo12 #tmh maybe someone was trying to cook sand to see if it could be eaten

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@CSpain_design There was that one rival site to Wikipedia, ‘Wackypedia’. But any time you tried to load a page it’d just show you a picture of a clown #tmh

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@DE_Craig Wow! I’ve never listened in live. There’s interesting trouble and nonsense.#tmh

@Kouban Every couple minutes, the audio cuts for a second or two #tmh

@robynneblume The stream skipped a little, but for me it’s been mostly fine. #tmh

@Kouban It’s viral marketing for the new Max Headroom DVD set #tmh

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@Paulius1981 Facebook, now you to can listen to the douchebags from highschool talk about how they’re totally looking forward to the weekend! #tmh

@Albedo12 #tmh Every facebook page should come with a banner saying ‘If I didn’t date you in school, I won’t date you now either’.

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@quippley #tmh i stopped paying attention for a few seconds and I’m completely lost….

SHOW 57: Snowman Scarecrow / 59min / August 18, 2010

Kris and David get rid of product packaging, throw a salad-dressing party, run in terror from the wild zamboni, tell tales of problems with sports, and famous fan-fiction author John Allison continues his TMH epic.

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Storyline: “TMH Fanfic” Part 2

@Firbozz Why don’t we just make the Twinkie the currency? Then you don’t even have to buy it. #TMH

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@Albedo12 is that a chessboard in your pocket are are you just horribly deformed? #tmh

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@cephalopod_gal Kris, without packaging, where do you get the cardboard boxes for AWESOME FORTS? #tmh

@Inanimatecarbon @cephalopod_gal Getting rid of packaging would be a terrible blow to an already strained AWESOME FORT industry. #TMH

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@richmagahiz What if I wanted to buy a turducken? Would they have to put it inside a suckling pig first? #tmh

@robynneblume @richmagahiz As long as you want to eat suckling pig. If you want a pigturducken, though, you have to put it inside a cow. #tmh

@Nateman @robynneblume I read a story about that once. Spoiler alert: The old lady died #tmh

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@RhyhornJynx #tmh What about the ‘plus size’ squirrels? Do they wear rabbit underwear?

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@Kouban I owned a nesting doll, but after about a year it started collecting twigs and hair to build increasingly larger layers #tmh

@Bradleybugman @Kouban That’s true. You can actually age a nesting doll by counting the layers. #tmh

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@Phrawger Better sports memory: Mom yells at an ump at my baseball game. Guess who the ump was. Hi, Dad! #tmh

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@Inanimatecarbon @jplaub I feel like “Ice-Kraken” is an IP that’s got real legs. #TMH #PunOnlySortOfIntended

SHOW 56: Bad Machinery / 59min / August 11, 2010

Kris and David stare down the promise of immortality, defer their physical pain, hear tales of machinery gone awry, and world-famous fanfic author John Allison has a rare treat for the fellas.

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Storyline: “TMH Fanfic” Part 1

@Paulius1981 Living forever would suck…especially after the sun expands and burns up the earth #TMH

@JessePB @tweethard Immortality would give me time to catch all those dang Pokemon #tmh

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@ertchin @tweethard Eternity will finally give us all the time we need to make the fan tributes to “Two and a Half Men” in our hearts. #tmh

@gameking218 #tmh What if we get into the third dimension of TV? 3D and a Half Men?

@richmagahiz @tweethard 12.5 Angry Men #tmh

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@exercisemeat Terrorism sounds incredibly difficult if everyone is immortal. #TMH

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@robynneblume Was temporarily distracted from #tmh by the chickens coming inside from the backyard where they belong.

@thirdmike @robynneblume I think it has already been established that chickens LOVE the sound of @malki’s voice. #tmh

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@thisisfalacci we used to have this car that made a weird fart-like noise intermittently, super awkward when driving with guests #tmh

@Paulius1981 My electric toothbrush once shorted …2 AA batteries seem REALLY powerful when they create a circuit with a filling #TMH

@thirdmike For weeks, when I touched the top of my laptop, it felt like it was vibrating. I looked it up and discovered I was being electrocuted. #tmh

@Sekelsky @tweetheard #tmh As a kid, my Speak-n-Spell crapped out and would ONLY say the word “spit”

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@Albedo12 My iron fell out of a window and landed on gravel. It still works but the plate is scratched and is now abrasive. #tmh

@robynneblume @Albedo12 Perfect for distressing jeans! That’s something people wear these days, right? Distressed jeans? #tmh #Iamatimetraveler

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@Kouban Oh god, I just conflated @cephalopod_gal and Octomom! D: #tmh #sosorryelisa

SHOW 55: An Appreciation of Tubes / 55min / August 4, 2010

Kris and David expand their tube-delivery business, get vaccinated against health, give an infant the 55-year-old arms of a murderer, and David quests after a free haircut.

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More on the gallery show discussed in the episode: here and here

@cSpain_Design Can’t spell Grievous Bodily Harm without Arm! #tmh

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@cSpain_Design Always make sure you get injected with a vaccINE, not a vaccUUM. The latter will cause more problems than it prevents #tmh

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@cephalopod_gal I think Kris just wanted an excuse to show the nurse his butt. That’s the only reason why he didn’t want it in his arm. #tmh

@frostyplum @cephalopod_gal I knew there were benefits to being a nurse. #tmh

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@acrazyburd Unit of oddness: lolwuts #tmh

SHOW 54: Bargain Sod / 50min / July 29, 2010

Kris and David investigate the fluid content of books, probe the mysteries of a sinister housing development, commit crimes to promote movies, sell illicit beverages from their treehouse and make an enemy of R.L. Stine.

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@cSpain_Design I sense a new CSI series afoot: CSIBN #tmh

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@cwall_bass BTW, your VIN changes when you switch from freon to R134A #tmh

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@Albedo12 I met one of the R L Stines once. They are a collective with a pseudonym #tmh

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@theggerus I’m trying to find the phobia for fearing earth itself, but all I can find is people terrified of Google Earth. #what #tmh

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@jplaub Those books always had ridiculous unbelievable deaths. “Do you want to eat breakfast: Page 45” (flip) “You choked on Cheerios and died”#tmh

@frostyplum @tweethard you need to commit a murder for the Yogi Bear movie, to feel the appropriate amount of shame. #tmh

@cSpain_Design I always used to just read those choose your own adventure books page by page, so I could feel like a dimension-hopping time-traveller. #tmh

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@frostyplum @tweethard you need to commit a murder for the Yogi Bear movie, to feel the appropriate amount of shame. #tmh

@ProphetEKA @tweethard Nothing says “Shrek 36” like a crime spree. #tmh

@richmagahiz The BP oil spill was actually a promotion for an upcoming remake of The Blob #tmh

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@richmagahiz @jplaub Has anybody written a choose-your-own-adventure about Schrodinger’s cat yet? If not, why not? #tmh

@jplaub @richmagahiz “Do you want to take the cat out of the box? Turn to Page 51 and Page 82 simultaneously” #tmh

SHOW 53: School-Bus Surgery / 1hr 2min / July 14, 2010

Kris and David solve the problem of chronic lateness, make major breakthroughs in self-administered internal medicine, uncover the bird conspiracy to murder old ladies, and finally win The Game.

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@richmagahiz By Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, the more punctual you are, the more your exact location wanders #tmh #trustmeImaphysicist

@robynneblume Once I made myself go to a party late, ‘cause I hate being early all the time. Got there 40 minutes after start, was first guest. #tmh

@skyxnex you make an “early space” at the party…kind of like time out for early people to teach them #tmh

@richmagahiz @skyxnex It’s best to allow your guests to breathe for a half hour, like you do with wine #tmh

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@Kouban The iPhone 5GS will have an iBeam app preinstalled. #tmh

@richmagahiz @Kouban But Steve Jobs will say “Don’t hold it like that” #tmh

@BlackFelos @richmagahiz Cup the left corner of the phone and OOPS, I-beam on an orphanage. #tmh

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@SamGraebner @tweethard Robots driving boats doing surgery ON the boats WITH the boats. #tmh

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@cassielassy @tweethard My retired grandparents play a game called The Game in the retirement court. I’ll ask them for tips. #tmh

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@AlsoBagels If the game is Farmville I’m turning this off. #tmh

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@JessePB @tweethard I wonder how could World Championships of The Game be held? Wouldn’t those not attending win? #tmh

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@medscholaradaml They’re playing The Game on their PSP 10 - but if you lose on your PSP you lose in real life #itslikethematrix #tmh

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@medscholaradaml Bird alternative medicine involves it cleaning your nooks and crannies, and then you eat it #poorbird #tmh

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@HenryNTodd I feel like we spent so much time on ducks we really didn’t get to talk about hammers. Personally, I’m on team Rubber Mallet. #tmh

SHOW 52: A Carrier For Handsomeness / 49min / July 7, 2010

Kris and David unearth the history of modern card games, analyze David’s obsession with frugality, and discover the truth behind the male-pattern butt-chin.

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@robynneblume One of my favorite card game experiences was when everyone in my Latin class was playing Class Struggle together, using three decks. #tmh

@Nateman @robynneblume is that the one where the losers riot and the winners get to spend the next 10 years paying no tax? #tmh

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@medscholaradaml The problem with house rules is that they changed from house to house. In mansions you got a pheasant, in a shack you just get shot #tmh

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@MrBildango The great pyramid is just a house of cards. Thick, massive block sized cards. #tmh

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@cephalopod_gal I live off of leftovers. I don’t ever even make the original meal. Leftovers just appear in little tupperware containers in my fridge. #tmh

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@cSpain_Design Make your own sleeping pills: place regular pills under your pillow at night, they will absorb the sleepiness, storing it for later! #tmh

@robynneblume @cSpain_Design Sounds like we could market this to homeopathy people. We just sell them “blank” pills, rake in the profits. #tmh

@cSpain_Design @robynneblume I think we could probably even get away with just writing the word ‘pill’ on some breathmints #tmh

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@g33ksq33k #tmh A little known fact about Kris Straub is he doesn’t have a chin. Beneath his beard, there is another Kris Straub, ad infinitum.

@cSpain_Design @g33ksq33k Medically his condition is known as ‘Chinfinity’ #tmh #sciencefacts

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@phogan A butt chin is just a vertical double chin #tmh

SHOW 51: Helpful Damage / 57min / June 30, 2010

Kris and David hijack celebrity Twitter feeds, ponder the saga of Weird Old Doctor vs. Young Kurt Straub, dig into listeners’ irrational fears, and reunite the United States.

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@theggerus Ok, let’s be honest. Who else just tried browsing to fettuciniface.com. #tmh

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@Paulius1981 Fake tweets from Obama, twitter ‘army’…we’re on our way to multiple FBI watch lists. #tmh

@Sekelsky @tweethard For example, if you threaten the president and use the tag #tmh, David and Kris will be the ones arrested!

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@Useless0ne .@tweethard the only FDA recognized cooty vaccination is Circle Circle Dot Dot. #tmh

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@Paulius1981 When young Kris got sick, the doctor would hit him with a rolled up newspaper and shout “No!” #tmh

@Albedo12 Illness Aversion Therapy - keeps you from getting ill by making you sick at the thought of it #tmh

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@phogan Why do we even need alleys. They’re basically streets that haven’t tried hard enough #tmh

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@Albedo12 Every day for 5 years I was afraid my girlfriend would leave me because I was insecure. And I was right! #tmh