SHOW 75: A Receding Horizon of Perfection / 1hr 18min / March 22, 2011
In the series finale of Tweet Me Harder, Kris and David revitalize the -trix suffix for all professions, explain their own fathers’ podcast catastrophes, explain what keeps corpses from floating off into the atmosphere, and finally close the causality loop.
Join us right here on Tuesday, 7pmP/10pmE, for the TMH Series Finale! And between now and then, leave us a voicemail at (864) 64-TWEET to let us know what you’d like us to do on the big show. We’ll do it, no matter what!!!*
Kris and David broadcast LIVE from the 2010 New England Webcomics Weekend after passing the audio signal through the voice box of an abandoned Russian submarine and letting a squirrel sit on it for a while.
SHOW 74: Great Grand-Doctor / 1hr 0min / January 21, 2011
Kris and David raise children in a webcam-equipped dungeon, make every snapshot a prize-winning piece of journalism, abandon soap for good, learn what makes the best rodeo clowns so good, and grow dinosaurs in their sinuses.
SHOW 73: Collectible Cracker Game / 54min / January 5, 2011
Kris and David discover why marbles went out of fashion, realize exactly what the snack-food industry has long been hoping that someone would, use stock-car racing to make important scientific discoveries, and tell the waiter to “hold the magnets, please!”
SHOW 72: Shout the Lights On / 1hr 12min / December 8, 2010
Kris and David try for the full sensory cycle with this rousing discussion of smell-tuba concerts, advances in home illumination, the best way to sneak out of jail, incredibly intuitive explanations for global warming, and how to get to know your neighbors. Plus, David describes his past as an art forger.
SHOW 71: Unfrozen Caveman Vampire / 1hr 1min / December 2, 2010
Kris and David reveal the elaborate plots of the undead, spend time alone in their room with carpet samples, write a bestselling book to blow tweens’ minds, and endure relationship problems stemming from being a fish-man and a werewolf respectively.
SHOW 70: Why Are You So Problem / 1hr 2min / November 23, 2010
Kris and David compare products to their marketing, make everything out of potatoes, and in Ask Me Harder, determine the best joint for macaroni, probe the sleep of the genders, and isolate the Dorito spice.
SHOW 67: Cesium Lick / 1hr 11min / November 2, 2010
Kris and David create a sham conservatory for diseased wild animals, examine the quantum state of stuntmen, find the best seats in the movie theater, decry foreign languages, peer into buildings, and compare notes with Kevin McShane regarding the events of the last few weeks.
SHOW 66: Malaria-Induced Machete Murders / 1hr 12min / October 25, 2010
Kris, trapped in a nightmarish foreign problem-hospital, grows increasingly frantic as David thwarts dangers of his own en route to his rescue. Also, a solution for safely fireproofing homes, Kevin McShane steals a helicopter, and we finally learn the Greentown-kroner-to-hotdog exchange rate.
CONTEST TIME - THREE WINNERS WILL APPEAR (AURALLY) IN TMH66!
Hello everyone, David Malki ! here. If you’ve listened to Tweet Me Harder episodes 61 through 65, you know that our old friend Kris is in a heap of trouble. I’m trying my best to save him but I’m about at my wits’ end! I need your help!
Call our Tweetline at (864) 64-TWEET and leave a suggestion for how to rescue Kris. Keep it under 30 seconds as I’ll probably be checking messages from some Godforsaken foxhole with bullets whizzing everywhere. Sound as good as you can, because this is a contest! I’ll be picking three people to join me in TMH episode 66 - The Dramatic Finale. Start calling now, and make sure to include your Twitter name in the message so I can write back to you if you win.
You have until midnight Pacific on Monday, October 18 to leave your messages. Enter as many times as you like. Honorable mentions may be played on the air, and three clever souls will join me on a suicide mission to save our friend. Let’s go!
UPDATE: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CALLS, WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED SOON
SHOW 65: Lord of Greentown / 1hr 6min / October 10, 2010
David turns to European drilling-platform sovereign John Allison for clues to Kris’s whereabouts. The two debate the fashion choices of dictators, the sometime necessity of proxy hugging, the importance of choosing one’s stamp-mate, and how many watts of music power TMH can muster.
SHOW 64: Flamingos Come Free / 58min / October 6 , 2010
David and guest host Chris Hastings unpack the parochial history of roller-coasters, the pressure not placed on pets to be ethical, prospects for the Smithsonian Sneezing-Animal Emporium, and come to a conclusion regarding the safety of European hospitals.
SHOW 63: Delicious People / 53min / September 30, 2010
Guest host Colleen AF Venable joins David to describe the afterlife of mac ‘n’ cheese, how to deal with sweet or savory individuals in a post-racial society, and what to feed an electric water snake. Meanwhile, Kris lives it up in fancy-pants Europe.
SHOW 62: Future-Pangaea / 47min / September 22, 2010
David and guest-host Dave Kellett explain the weather inside a blimp hangar, the hidden hazards of working with Post-It™ glue, the joy of being a hobbyist actuary, how the Slavs do the Amber Alert, and where the heck Kris got off to.
SHOW 60: Knife-Wielding Duck / 53min / September 15, 2010
Kris and David flee hazardous weather, consider sustainable ways to melt frozen blood, become modern equivalents to swordsmen, use drill-bits as their sigil, and John Allison's TMH fanfic reaches its nail-biting conclusion.
SHOW 59: Largest Sheep Heap / 51min / September 2, 2010
Kris and David consider commissioning a TMH mascot, marvel at the Dry-Erase Guild Society’s inventive goings-on, hear listener tales of Forgettable Adventures, and John Allison’s TMH fanfic reaches a fever pitch.
SHOW 57: Snowman Scarecrow / 59min / August 18, 2010
Kris and David get rid of product packaging, throw a salad-dressing party, run in terror from the wild zamboni, tell tales of problems with sports, and famous fan-fiction author John Allison continues his TMH epic.
Kris and David investigate the fluid content of books, probe the mysteries of a sinister housing development, commit crimes to promote movies, sell illicit beverages from their treehouse and make an enemy of R.L. Stine.
SHOW 50: The Most Disgusting Astronaut / 56min / June 23, 2010
Kris and David report live from the scene of the TMH book release party in Portland, Oregon, going the extra mile to insulate your attic from ghosts, incinerate your childhood keepsakes, sell you a bat on a pizza, and eat spoiled foreign food for your amusement.
On Wednesday, June 23rd, we’ll be having the OFFICIAL TMH BOOK RELEASE PARTY in Portland, Oregon! In conjunction with Meredith Gran’s new book There Are No Stars In Brooklyn, we’ll be throwing a rockin’ party from 6-10 PM (the TMH show starts around 7:30). And believe us, this is one you won’t want to miss.
Admission to the party and show is free, but we’ll be signing copies of the TMH book (and Wondermark, Chainsawsuit and Starslip books) so bring yer money. Or, just come and freeload some complimentary laughings! That is fine too.
Come, say hello, enjoy the show, take embarrassing pictures of us, and really just enjoy a fine night of being social and friendly and forgetting all your cares. This will be our only Portland appearance for at least a year and maybe ever so come on out!
p.s. for a special sneak peek inside the tmh bookclick here (shhh!!!)
SHOW 48: Entrepremurderers / 59min / June 10, 2010
Kris and David unpack everything there is to know about the Hamburglar, start a murder franchise, learn about crowbars, explain at furious length how the TMH book will benefit your life, and David attempts revenge on Kris for inflicting Mom Me Harder on the show.
From time-traveling narwhals to grappling-hook cars; Fake Stan Lee to spray-painted Pomeranians. There’s a lot of gems in the Tweet Me Harder archives. But until now, there was no way to experience them in loud environments where background noise made listening to podcasts impossible!
Introducing Hey World Here Are Some Suggestions. In this, the first ten hours of Tweet Me Harder, painstakingly transcribed into textual form and exhaustively annotated, illustrated, and indexed, you will find absolutely-flawless answers to many of life’s common questions, including:
Are chicken bones rated as a building material?(p. 60)
Why does Garfield hate Mondays? It’s not like he has a job.(p. 97)
Why is my comb-over only fooling myself, and even then, only from the front?(p. 206)
Which hand do I poop with, and which do I throw phones at my friends with?(p. 258)
These and literally another question are answered within, to a satisfaction rating of 4.553 on the Sandford Satisfaction Scale (patent rejected due to stains on the application).
PLUS! DISGUISE MODE: In this age of vanished privacy, perhaps you have reasons to shield what you are reading from prying eyes? You do not have to tell us why you need it, but for the interested, we discreetly offer this book in Disguise Mode, which includes a handsome book jacket that makes it appear you are reading an important book about Russian history.
294 pages and only $16. Buy it now!And Read your Podcasts.™
Kris and David’s mom explore a world of magical thinking, driving woes, and discover the true meaning of being stung by insects whose only goal is to steal your summer meats. Plus, how do you take your hot dog? The wrong way, probably.
Kris and David make inroads in battery safety, identify the most rueful metals, join the Zeppelin Advisory Board, fill balloons with the elements, and may in fact be dreaming. Also, David starts to resent Mom Me Harder.
Kris and David probe the world’s finest minds on the MIT campus in Cambridge, MA, imparting wisdom from the year 4000. The time-traveling duo examines bee armor, clones musicians, requests injections, and explains how fat is money.
We’ll be at ROFLCon this weekend to do TMH LIVE on Saturday, May 1, at 11:30 AM. If you’re coming to ROFLCon, we hope to see you there!
We say that in a sort of weird tense because we’ve just learned that tickets to ROFLCon have sold out. So, if you’re going, you’re going, and at this point it’s too late to suddenly decide to. The TMH Live show will be streamed with video, though, either on this site or at a link we’ll provide on our Twitter.
BUT — do not despair! We’re also doing an informal TMH Meetup at the Asgard, 350 Mass. Ave in Cambridge, on Friday night (April 30) from 9-midnight. If you can’t make it to ROFLCon (or, I guess, even if you can) we double-hope to see you there!
Oh and what’s that thing up there in the picture? You’ll just have to come and find out!!
SHOW 44: The Exotic World of Meats / 56min / April 21, 2010
Kris and David eat mice and other rodents whole, consider pet ownership, wonder about tapeworms, and prevent cataclysm by conjuring lost dinosaur energies while David’s mom thinks her son dislikes her cooking.
Kris and David address an audience of themselves at TMH Live Chicago, broadcasting from the lovely Sheraton Hotel. The lads roll with punches, hold a trivia contest, and in Ask Me Harder, explain all about Chicago politics, electricity, and the old-time pillow-gifting custom.
Download the MP3 (but to be honest this one gains a lot from watching the video)
Kouban Ideally, a hotel room should be completely filled with pillows so you can swim through them to your bed, which is an enormous pillow. #tmh
SHOW 42: The God of Atheism / 46min / April 1, 2010
Kris and David solve listeners’ troubling medical mysteries, revitalize the American penny, figure out why Kris’ calcified wrists are secretly killing him, and discover an instant “in” with Jehovah. A classic Tweet Me Harder!
SHOW 41: No Spiders Allowed / 56min / March 23, 2010
Kris and David explore a world of disposable reading material, ships of insects, and how to stay on top of your to-do list with memory-enhancing techniques. David also reveals a dark physical secret no one has ever heard (of) before.
A quick dispatch post-TMH LIVE SEATTLE! Thanks so much to everyone who came out, and who watched online — we had a great time, and hope you did too. Thanks as well to Arcane Comics and to TopatoCo, our official event sponsor. Audio and video of the show will be posted soon!